After getting married, we Babylon Bee writers made the surprising discovery that wives do not always mean exactly what their text messages say. Weird! While we still cannot figure out why women write in riddles, we have spent years cracking the code behind several of their cryptic messages, which we are ready to share with the world:

Text: "OK so don't be mad"

Translation: I just adopted 17 more kittens.

Text: "Hiii"

Translation: I'm lonely so please quit your job and be with me and talk with me forever.

Text: "Can u pick up some bread?"

Translation: Can u pick up some bread and a list of as-yet-undetermined things I will text you after you wait in line and have just checked out.

Text: "Just wondering when you'll be home"

Translation: I had a huge, massive emotional breakdown t

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