LOS ANGELES, CA — After weeks of dealing with unruly and aggravated protestors, a Los Angeles police officer finally felt moments of real joy and euphoria as a line of commie UCLA students charged him with garbage can shields.

"Ah yeah! Come at me, bro!" Officer Dale Ipsom thought as a small group of blue-haired, 120-pound, bike-helmet-wearing protestors ran toward him at full speed. "I've been training my whole life for this. I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!"

Officer Ipsom then suppressed a smile as he totally leveled a little revolutionary named Zander with a single punch to the windpipe. Eyewitnesses say the officer then closed his eyes with satisfaction, feeling the soft California breeze on his face before preparing to grab another one by the face and chuck him 30 feet with one hand.

"Thi

See Full Page