BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was believed that he escaped by blending in with a nearby herd of walruses.

"I didn't know there were so many walruses in Maryland. Now we'll never find him!" FBI Director Kash Patel was heard saying at the scene. "Walruses. This job never gets any easier."

Walruses are not native to Bethesda, where Bolton's primary residence is located, on account of them being marine mammals that live near the ocean. But, according to sources, Bolton always keeps a herd of walruses nearby in case he needs to disappear.

Bolton has had a long and controversial career in go

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