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With the final push to the election underway, former President Trump has taken a slight lead in the polls -- but his fundraising trails Vice President Harris by $600 million. Yikes! To close the gap, Trump unveiled nine brilliant, foolproof fundraising ideas guaranteed to level the field:

Finally respond to that Nigerian prince's email: Apparently, he's been exiled, but he's willing to pay handsomely for help.

Let people touch J.D. Vance's beard for $100: Never underestimate the draw of a good beard.

Host a 5k where you dress in buffalo horns and run through the Capitol: We're sure everyone will be cool with this.

Travel back to 1980 and buy a bunch of Apple stock: So simple!

Open a whale psychiatry practice: The only one like it in the whole world.

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