ATLANTA, GA - Celebrations for winning the 500-yard freestyle at the NCAA Women's Swimming and Diving Championships were short-lived for convincingly female athlete Lia Thomas, as authorities caught her in possession of performance-enhancing testicles.

"Investigators will need time to sift through the trail of evidence right now," said NCAA's Head of Testicle Enforcement, Bob Huevos, while holding up a jock strap, the device suspected to have been used to conceal the contraband from rigorous testing protocols. "We suspect the swimmer used this contraption to keep the performance-enhancing testicles secured between her legs."

Blood tests of the disgraced, obviously-female swimmer have led Huevos to believe Thomas had a long history of using testicles to dose with powerful testosterone, pe

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