I've seen some gnarly shit. One morning in the third grade, a crush threw up her breakfast all over me. Cut to regurgitated milk and Eggo waffles soaked into my uniform. About a year later, a stapler fell on my big toe, after which I bled profusely as the nail slowly fell off. I've pissed in fraternity house toilets and flipped over mattresses to discover bedbug larvae. Just before the pandemic, I watched a guy stand up and shit his pants on the 2 train in the New York City subway. To say nothing of the unspeakable things no adolescent boy should ever see and I did anyway in a lawless early-aughts internet.

That's all to say: After all that, I remain grossed out by Alien: Earth this week.

In the show's fourth episode, "Observation," the sinister mega-corporation Prodigy conducts

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