Key points

The goal of a limit is not to change your child's behavior. That's something you have no control over.

The goal of a limit is to stay in charge in the way your child needs you to be and to avoid power struggles.

Just because your child protests the limit or tantrums when you implement, doesn't mean it's not working.

The limit is working if it's preventing unhealthy behavior and avoiding pernicious power struggles.

Ari (4) was coming in and out of his room for hours after lights-out. His parents, Jen and Arash, had tried everything: making it a game (could he win the gold medal by staying in his room all night?), rewards, bribes, threats. Nothing was working.

Jen and Arash ultimately implemented a plan that included putting a boundary on his door. One of them sat on the o

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