NEUSCHANZENBACH, MB

In an effort to stave off encroaching worldliness, the small Mennonite town of Neuschanzenbach has banned the use of turn signals, driving with the headlights on, and shoulder-checking before changing lanes. The new law is in response to increasing numbers of Englishers driving safely and signalling their intentions in the village.

“We can’t have these outsiders coming in here and flashing their fancy turn signals all over town,” said Neuschanzenbach reeve Bernie Neufeld. “For years we’ve gotten on just fine without ever using a turn signal and I don’t see why we need to change that now.”

Village residents belong to a peculiar Mennonite sect who are perfectly fine with modern motorized transportation, but find any safety requirements like signalling before a lane cha

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