BENTONVILLE, AR — After surveying the ten square feet of grass in his new home's yard, local man Dan Jenkins decided it was definitely time to purchase a riding lawnmower.

"Yup, time to pull the trigger," said Mr. Jenkins, walking around his little patch of earth. "Probably need one of those zero-degree turn mowers."

Despite his wife's hesitation, Mr. Jenkins felt sure that the riding mower would save him at least seventeen seconds every time he cut the grass. "It's pretty thick grass, babe," explained Mr. Jenkins. "St. Augustine grass is a brute. It's a great investment in the long run. I think I need to go for the 20-horsepower model to be safe."

Though not sure the riding mower was entirely necessary, Mrs. Jenkins was reportedly unsurprised by the decision. "When Dan sat on a mower a

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