BOISSEVAIN, MB

Yogaphobia has invaded a small Manitoba town after Mrs. Martens, 42, longtime women’s ministry co-ordinator at the local Mennonite church, declared she was “done with the faith” and decided to dedicate her life to Vishnu just five minutes into a Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown DVD.

“See, this is exactly what I warned you all about,” said concerned local yogaphobe Mrs. Wiebe. “Exercising can lead to exorcisms! It can happen really quick.”

Mrs. Martens had just gotten herself into the tadasana position, and had barely worked herself into a sweat, when she suddenly said, “to heck with it” and immediately Googled “how to change religions.”

“The Mennonite faith doesn’t offer much in terms of getting those kinks out of your neck and increasing flexibility,” explained Mrs. Marte

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