LOS ANGELES, CA

Mennonite woman Deborah Kehler of Bergfeld, Manitoba was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Oscars last night for “more than 70 years of putting a smile on her face and pretending that everything is just fine.”

“Mrs. Kehler is a remarkable actress. Whether it was a petty conflict at church about the time Sunday School should start, or when her son went through a nasty divorce, or when her brother Pete was arrested for embezzling the town’s rainy day fund, she was always there with a smile on her face and a few words of encouragement even when deep down she knew it was all a bunch of crap,” explained Academy spokesperson Susan Lawrence. “She makes Meryl Streep look like a beginner.”

Mrs. Kehler, who flew in from Bergfeld to pick up the prestigious honour, spoke

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