PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA

A Mennonite hunter from rural Pennsylvania shot and ate an innocent little weather-forecasting groundhog yesterday, thus condemning the entire continent to perpetual winter. Mr. Yoder said the groundhog was delicious, but says he regrets the inconvenience he’s caused to all the summer-lovers out there.

“What can I say. Us Mennonites are a bit on the carnivorous side,” explained Yoder. “If I had known Spring would be cancelled I might not have done it. But who knows? He sure was delicious.”

Yoder has been a hunter for more than three decades. He attributes his love for the sport to his repressed Mennonite upbringing.

“As a church-going and faithful Mennonite, I wasn’t allowed to join the Armed Forces or even watch violent movies,” said Yoder. “So hunting was my only out

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