WASHINGTON, DC — Following former President Donald Trump's conviction on 34 felony counts, House Republicans are threatening to deploy the most powerful tool in their arsenal: The Strongliest Worded Letter of All Time.

According to political analysts, the ultimatum is a serious escalation of an already shaky political situation and comes after several Strongly Worded Letters and even a few Stronglier Worded Letters.

"That's it - we're not gonna take it anymore!" cried Steve Scalise, Republican and House Majority Leader. "We let you Democrats get away with the covid lockdowns, pride month, and hundreds of thousands of baby-murdering abortions a year, but this is ACTUALLY the last straw! You think you can get away with witch hunts and sham trials against Trump scot-free? Someone's gotta st

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