I’m a psychotherapist – here’s how to talk to children about death, and one thing to never say

Talking to children about death can leave even the most open and honest parents feeling uncomfortable and lost for words. If a much-loved relative has passed away, should you talk about the details of how they died? If someone is terminally ill, should you warn children about what’s ahead, or keep it vague?

“The overarching guidance is that parents know their children best,” says Julia Samuel, the renowned psychotherapist and grief expert, and author of three bestselling books, including Grief Works . “Research shows that whatever you say to your children should be through the lens of your particular family, and should fit within the context of that family.”

Don’t say they’ve ‘gone to sleep’

Samuel’s one caveat is that children need to be told the truth, just as adults expect to