Talking to a narcissist—whose behavior is characterized by grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy—is the ultimate example of navigating conversational landmines. Say the wrong thing, and they’ll likely get defensive, shift the blame onto you or someone else (anyone but themselves), and try to get even by inflicting emotional pain.

That’s especially true if you utter these words: “You’re not that special.”

“There’s so much about that statement that’s so activating to a narcissist,” says Samantha Potthoff, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Beverly Hills, Calif., who works with people with narcissistic personality disorder and their family members. “It’s pointing out a flaw, which threatens their self-image. It not only challenges their own narrative an

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