Dan Brown's new novel is ridiculous - and will be as big as The Da Vinci Code

There’s a book at the heart of The Secret of Secrets , Dan Brown ’s first novel in eight years: only one copy exists, and people will kill for it. Flashback to the author, top scientist Katherine Solomon, pitching her work to a publisher and to our series hero, symbologist Robert Langdon. They are all so excited about it: it’s the greatest idea ever, and is going to be a massive bestseller. The book? A serious factual tome about consciousness.

Bless.

It is hard to imagine getting that excited about Katherine Solomon’s book – but I have some tips for her on how to write a true best-seller. Because The Secret of Secrets will be as popular as The Da Vinci Code , and she and we can learn from it.

First, make your book long, so people get their money’s worth – nearly 700 pages. Set i