Dear Eric: “Bella” and I met more than 35 years ago as volunteers. We maintained a friendship despite totally different life paths: she had a string of relationships that never went very far; I married, became a stepmom, then had a baby.

She wasn’t able to maintain a career due to increasing mental health issues that also affected her physical health. She became a recluse for two years.

I have deep appreciation for the complexities that mental illness brings. I know that love and compassion are what Bella needs and that they are the basis upon which this friendship has existed.

I set aside my needs because I know that she hasn’t the capacity for anything beyond her own complex needs. I learned this the hard way years ago when she stood me up for a lunch date at a restaurant after I had

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