Alberta Introduces New "School-Appropriate" Bibles Without 'Song of Solomon'

EDMONTON, AB

In an effort to “balance religious freedoms with the need to protect our children,” the Alberta Ministry of Edumacation has decided to churn out snazzy new Bibles that exclude anything that might be deemed objectionable to a panel of bureaucrats in a downtown Edmonton office.

“All that ‘breasts like fawns’ nonsense has got to go,” said Edumacation Minister Diedrich Nickel. “We’re also not too keen on the menstruation verses in Leviticus 15.”

Also gone is the story of David and Bathsheba and any of the stories involving Lot’s daughters.

“I know we told you religious texts wouldn’t be touched, but we don’t want anyone accusing us of hypocrisy, now do we?” said Nickel. “We have to be consistent with our values. Besides, we know what’s good for your children; just trust us.”