SCHANZENBERG, MB

After Bud Light apparently went “woke” this week, conservative country singers are urging folks to join them in a boycott of the brewing company. This came as a great disappointment for Mr. Dave Toews of Schanzenberg, however, who says he doesn’t know what to do as he’s already been refraining from consuming all Anheuser-Busch products for decades.

“This Travis Tritt thing has really put me a pickle,” said Toews. “How can I virtue signal my conservative values if I’m already not a beer drinker?”

Toews says he’s considering taking up beer-drinking for a few days, just so he has something to boycott.

“I think it’ll work out just fine,” said Toews, cracking open a Bud Light for the first time. “This is the same thing I do every year at lent. I adopt an unhealthy vice a co

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