CANNES, FRANCE

In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.”

“When I go to the beach I expect to see women in a proper level of undress,” said Eustache Moreau, government spokesperson and world-renowned misogynist. “If we’ve got Mennonites there wearing modest one-piece bathing suits or whatever, it’s simply not appropriate attire for French beaches.”

The crackdown on religiously-motivated modesty at the beach has resulted in arrests, fines, and even jail time for women who think they have the right to decide for themselves how to adorn their own bodies.

“I’m here to swim,” said Martha Loewen of Kitchener, who has been vacationi

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