ARLINGTON, VA — Official FBI sources recently stepped forward to apologize for the Bureau's tardiness in stopping a school shooter, as they were all wrapped up taking care of a few dangerous pro-life protestors at the time.

Agent Jim Dolon, who is tasked with tracking and stopping mass shooters, said that the Bureau was really, really backlogged sorting through all the dangerous pro-lifers when the school shooting happened.

"I'm gonna be honest — my bad," Dolon said, shaking his head. "But do keep in mind that we almost had that shooter. We were so close — we just had to catch and imprison a bunch of dangerous pro-life people who were doing horrible, dangerous things like praying outside of abortion clinics. It's really a shame, but we did have to get those guys first. Priorities, am I r

See Full Page