CHICAGO — Attendees at the Democratic National Convention were discouraged Thursday when they discovered that the surprise guest they had all been waiting for turned out to be Carrot Top.

"He's still alive?" asked a delegate from Ohio.

Multiple media outlets reported that there would be a surprise guest at the DNC, with many speculating it would be Beyoncé or even Taylor Swift. But Swifties and the BeyHive had their hopes shattered when the red-headed prop comic took the stage.

"Hey guys, vote for Kamala!" Carrot Top said to groans. "I've got this great invention here, it's a Polling Booth Planchette so you can let your dead relatives vote for Kamala for you. This makes your one vote worth thousands! "

"Get it? Because a planchette is from a Ouija Board — forget it."

The talented co

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