WASHINGTON, DC

Just hours after an embarrassing security breach at the United States Capitol building, government officials announced the commencement of major renovations to turn the place into a “totally epic” Banana Republic outlet store.

“Hey, at least something good came out of this whole fiasco,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “And great timing, too. For Christmas I got a $50 Banana Republic gift card that’s just itching to be used. Slim fit chinos, here I come!”

Members of Congress displaced by the new Banana Republic will be offered jobs selling joggers and waffle-knit sweaters.

“It’s either that our accept the severance package,” said McConnell. “Last time I checked it’s about $600, which, according to our research, is more than enough to live on.”

Book lovers were initially e

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