AUSTIN, TX — A local man declared himself free of any need to belong to a local church, relying instead on the fact that he studies the Bible for himself, clearly indicating he has never studied the Bible for himself.

"I don't need the church," the man said confidently. "I'm perfectly capable of reading my Bible and knowing exactly what it says. Maybe some people need pastors, teachers, and other believers. Not me. I have a full understanding of absolutely everything. I've got it covered."

Despite repeated invitations from family and friends, the man has remained convinced that belonging to a local church is entirely unnecessary for him. "Nah, I'm good," he said. "The way everyone keeps talking about it, you'd think there was something in the Bible about it being really important to gath

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