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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his first official act as Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth announced today that all women in the military will now be nurses and they must wear those hot outfits like they did back in World War II.

Regardless of current rank or role, every woman in the armed forces will be issued a matching white nurse's outfit with the little hat, and all women will now be addressed as simply "nurse."

"This is the kind of military that defeated the Axis powers - a military where women were nurses, and they had hot matching outfits," explained Hegseth. "We are going to bring back what made the United States Armed Forces the best in the world, and that starts with women being nurses and wearing those weirdly sexy dresses."

Rank and file soldi

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