Parents will do anything for their kids, but that could be coming at a huge cost ‒ to themselves, according to a new study.

More than a third (36%) of the 3,000 parents surveyed by Ameriprise in January worry that supporting their adult children may derail their retirement plan, yet they continue to lend their kids a hand. More than 6 out of 10 (63%) parents pay ongoing expenses like living costs and phone bills for their adult children, and 76% have either paid or plan to pay for major one-time expenses like a wedding or down payment on a home, the survey showed.

“It’s admirable, for sure, but underscores the need for parents to be planful for their own financial future,” said Deana Healy, vice president of financial planning and advice at Ameriprise. “First and foremost, it is about being intentional – what you need for your own retirement and goals, then what can I afford and what do I want to afford” to help the children.

It's not just parents supporting adult children

Ninety-six percent of grandparents, or about 60 million people, financially help their grandchildren, according to a June survey of 1,200 U.S. adults aged 55 and older by resources site TheSeniorList.com. They spend an average of $3,917 annually on their grandchildren, totaling $238 billion nationwide.

“Financial support from grandparents isn’t a trend ‒ it’s a fundamental part of how American families operate,” wrote Ryan Malloy, managing editor of TheSeniorList.com.

Three in 10 grandparents said they prioritize their grandchildren’s needs over their own financial stability.

Alarmingly, 11% of grandparents have already dipped into their retirement savings or accounts to help their grandchildren, and 51% would consider doing so to help pay for everything from tuition to groceries, the survey said.

“The implications are profound when we consider that, according to the Government Accountability Office, nearly half of Americans over 55 have no retirement savings,” he said. “For grandparents with savings, depleting these funds for current family needs could create devastating financial consequences in their later years.”

Should parents and grandparents support adult children?

There’s nothing wrong with helping and supporting adult children, but the problem is when people do it to their own detriment, Healy said.

When it gets to that point, parents and grandparents need to remember “of course, it is OK to say no,” she said.

With some parents and grandparents considering refinancing their homes, and others taking on debt to help adult children, the long-term sustainability of current giving patterns also is questionable, Malloy said.

How to stop supporting an adult child?

The challenge is preserving familial relationships while protecting parents’ and grandparents’ financial security, but it can be accomplished with clear communication and goals, experts said.

The ideal time is when kids are young to start talking about money, goals, savings and responsibilities, Healy said. Start with how to spend and save tooth fairy money, allowances, gift money, or summer jobs, she suggested.

“Shift, over time, some financial responsibilities,” she said. “Tie them to milestones like graduation, age, employment, to allow adult children to prepare mentally and emotionally.”

If that window’s closed and your kid is a full-fledged adult already enjoying mobile phone and streaming services, rent and health insurance subsidies, enlist a financial adviser, experts said.

Ninety-six percent of parents with adult children who work with a financial adviser are confident they will achieve their top three financial goals, Ameriprise’s survey showed. Seventy-eight percent said their adviser was helpful in making money decisions related to their adult children.

“Advisers have a different relationship with parents and adult children,” Healy said. “They can be a trusted resource and foster that work and conversation to come to a good spot.”

Medora Lee is a money, markets and personal finance reporter at USA TODAY. You can reach her at mjlee@usatoday.com and subscribe to our free Daily Money newsletter for personal finance tips and business news every Monday through Friday morning.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Is it time to stop supporting adult children? Here are the signs and how to do it.

Reporting by Medora Lee, USA TODAY / USA TODAY

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