Granger Smith’s wife, Amber Smith, is detailing the moment she learned the former country singer struggled with suicidal ideation after their 3-year-old son River’s death in her new memoir, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.

“My sweet, incredible husband, the wonderful father of my kids, put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth. I cry even typing this,” Amber, 43, wrote in her upcoming book, which was excerpted by People on Thursday, September 25. “It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out. I wish I had known.”

She continued, “I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’ But I didn’t have to. By the sheer grace of God, Granger became aware that the voice quietly telling him to pull the trigger

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