Why Labeling Partners “Avoidant” or “Narcissistic” Backfires

Key points

Diagnosing shifts an individual from partner to critic, eroding equality and trust.

Labels reduce a partner to a problem instead of a whole person.

Pop-psych buzzwords feel validating but often distort and mislead.

Labeling is often contempt disguised in psychology jargon. Name the pattern, not a partner’s personality.

As a couples therapist, I often work with people who say things like, “My partner is so avoidant,” or “I think she might be a narcissist,” or whatever the latest psychological buzzword happens to be. These days, diagnostic language from psychology and social media has seeped into our everyday conversations. In earlier decades, people came into therapy saying, “He’s selfish,” or “She’s too controlling.” The words have changed, but the impulse is ti