WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise announcement, President Trump has declared he is selling everything that he has except the clothes on his back, giving the proceeds to the poor, and traveling to Somalia to preach the gospel after Pastor David Platt briefly prayed over him Sunday.

The president picked up a copy of Radical on the way out of the church, read it on the plane ride, and began to rethink his entire life.

"It's really sad how many Christians think the American Dream is synonymous with the gospel," he said as he looked out the window of Air Force One pensively. "Why do we settle for this cheap, empty gospel that says that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, when the real, life-changing gospel is so much more---indeed, when the gospel says we will lose everyt

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