AMARILLO, TX - Students across America have resumed the Cold War practice of weekly "duck-and-cover" drills to prepare for impending nuclear attacks ordered by the picture of mental stability, President Biden.

"Living under the constant threat of nuclear holocaust really brings back memories," said Principal John Cmerek as the air raid sirens blared. "Doesn't that sound take you back? Even found the old videos, all we have to do is edit 'The Russians are coming!' to say 'Joe Biden is coming!', and we're all set."

Although some were skeptical Biden would really nuke his own people, President Biden took time to reiterate his position to a flock of geese at the national mall. "Look here! You're not just going to beat me with that rifle, bucko! I make one call, one call on the TV, and jets w

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