UZ — Though his wife and friends had expressed doubt that his situation could grow any worse, local embattled patriarch Job was heard crying out in intense grief yet again as he watched Michigan win the College Football Championship.

After losing all 10 of his children and his entire herd of livestock and developing an excruciating condition that manifested itself in painful sores all over his body, the now destitute man was forced to endure still more horrific torture by witnessing the corrupt University of Michigan football team defeat the Washington Huskies.

"Why do the wicked prosper?" Job was heard crying aloud as Michigan extended its lead in the fourth quarter of the championship game. "Why did I not die at birth, come out from the womb and expire? Michigan was caught red-handed s

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