JK ROWLING has accused Emma Watson of being ‘ignorant of how ignorant she is’ in a lengthy screed on X, formerly Twitter. It could be you next. Be ready to take these actions:

Report it to Elon

Go to the three dots menu and click ‘report post’. Sure, X is owned by Elon Musk, who is also a super-rich loony with transphobic views, but X’s large and diligent team of moderators are sure to clamp down on abuse immediately. That’s why the site is such a pleasure to use.

Call the police

Obviously it’s physically impossible to ignore a stupid online spat by just not reading X, so make some nasty comments yourself then call 999. After the criticism the police have received for arrests over tweets they’ll be delighted to know you still have faith in them.

Prepare to fend off a Cruciatus Curse

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