'Pacifism is Totally Impractical' Says Large Multinational Weapons Manufacturer

WASHINGTON, DC

Arms industry leaders met in Washington this week to discuss ways of curbing the growing wave of pacifism that’s sweeping the nation.

“How the hell can we expect to keep the economy going without spending billions on tanks and planes and weapons of mass destruction?” wondered CEO Malcolm Sinclair. “Pacifism severely threatens our bottom line.”

The country’s economy has been so heavily intwined with large weapons manufacturers that lobbyists are calling on Washington to bail them out “if this war in the Middle East doesn’t pick up a little.”

“I mean this is really a small war when you think about it. It’s nothing compared to Vietnam or WWII,” explained Sinclair. “My great-grandfather served this country from an office just down the street and raked in tens of millions for