DUBAI — Nearing the end of his highly publicized Middle East tour, administration sources reported that President Donald Trump had asked dignitaries when he would get to see the elves and hobbits.

According to several members of the president's entourage, Trump had grown increasingly impatient about meeting elves, hobbits, dwarves, and other creatures over the last several days.

"I know there must be elves and hobbits here somewhere," Trump reportedly asked a concierge from the United Arab Emirates, gesturing at the broad expanse of sand and luxury highrises. "Where do they keep them? Everyone told me, 'Don, you have to see the elves while you're there.' I haven't met any yet. And the hobbits. I've heard they're not very big, but they like to have a good time. And the Rohirrim. 'The migh

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