WITTENBERG — Congregants of the church in Wittenberg have expressed frustration that Martin Luther nailed his list of ninety-five theses to the door in lieu of using the church's suggestion box.

"Was that really necessary?" asked clearly irritated parishioner Otto Wolfgang. "I get Luther has some beef with the Pope, but that's exactly why we have a suggestion box. Such a drama queen."

Director of facilities Alfred Feigenbaum initially found the theses on the door, and immediately demanded Martin Luther come fix the nail holes. "Just, why?" asked Mr. Feigenbaum, surveying the damage. "Why come hammer your grievances into a door when the suggestion box is literally ten steps away? I carved that box exclusively for Luther to have some outlet for all his whining! Have a little decency, man."

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