WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to stunned witnesses at the White House yesterday, President Trump somehow managed to feed an entire multitude with just five Quarter Pounders and two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, miraculously multiplying the food until there was enough to go around for the entire Clemson football team.

Worried aides had rushed to Trump's side and informed him there wasn't enough food for the visiting national champions. "Go and ask if anyone packed a lunch," Trump instructed them, but all they were able to find was a bag of week-old McDonald's food in Trump's desk.

Trump quietly knelt and thanked the Lord for the sack containing just five cheeseburgers and two fish sandwiches he'd stowed away in case he got hungry, blessed the food, and then told his aides to begin laying the fo

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