If you ever find yourself in a penis metaphor contest and your opponent is Taylor Swift, know this: you will lose.

On her 12th studio album The Life of a Showgirl , released today (3 October), Swift is doing what she does best: lashing her rivals, reminiscing about childhood crushes, and declaring her erupting love for her famous fiancé, NFL player Travis Kelce.

On one particular track though, track nine entitled “Wood”, Swift is letting her Swifties in on a very intimate facet of her relationship with Kelce: that fact that he’s packing more meat than a Richmond sausage factory.

“Wood”, dubbed by some as her “raunchiest” track to date , sees the singer-songwriter reflect on her lovers past through a superstition motif: she took an ex back, and stepped on a crack. As she did so, the blac

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