This story is part of the October 5 edition of Sunday Life. See all 13 stories .

Gather around, my little squirrels, as we inspect the calendar of key red-carpet events to look forward to each year. I’ve narrowed it down to only the core ones. Just as the ancients used the sun, moon and stars to track the passage of time, so do the key red-carpet events serve as my cosmic calendar. My North Stars, if you will.

Getting married on the day of the Oscars ? It’s a no from me. I’ll be sharpening my talons. Need me to sweep the streets after a major ticker-tape parade for the mayor of Gundagai’s birthday on the first Monday in May ? Apologies, I’ve come down with a hideous flu and will be logging a sick day. Sarah Jessica Parker wishes to take me shopping but it’s Logies night ? I’

See Full Page