Shakespeare was right (see sonnets). Spring should be gaudy. Avenues of pale-pink cherry blossom above pure white pebbles are lovely. I truly admire those who have created gardens in white and shades of green. But after months of winter drab I want colour. Lots of colour.

This is possibly why my ex-sister-in-law gazed at my first attempt at ornamental gardening - a bed of 100 ranunculi in six different bright colours - and quietly said 'Oh dear.'

Coincidentally that's what fashion icon Maggie Tabberer said in the years we worked together, each time she saw another outfit. (In my defence, back then I shopped only at that well-loved couturier 'La Vincente de Paule'. There wasn't much choice in my size.

I am not elegant. Those of us with abundant bosoms are not destined to be elegant u

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