WANT to be brought a succulent Chinese meal, but don’t want to be the lazy fat bastard who outright suggests it? Follow these slow and careful steps to get your partner on board:

Sigh at the fridge

Open your humble refrigerator and stare fatalistically, as if you were gazing into the abyss rather than a handy receptacle of perishable meal ingredients. Exhale and shake your head, apparently oblivious of your other half watching. The seed is planted.

Talk about the weather

Ever the reliable disruptor of any activity, the British weather is also the driver of every British conversation. It can also explain why today, of all days, you must order food rather than cook. Too close to stand over a stove? Or too cold to force your fingers to chop garlic? Use both arguments.

Pretend that you wo

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