WAKING with a hangover so intense my head is glowing green and I can actually see my skull when I look in the mirror, I drink an entire fish tank of water to rehydrate and reflect on my week.
I have decided, in keeping with ecumenical congruence, that the Church of England should introduce the Catholic practice of confession. I put in a request to Tony Blair’s office that, as someone who converted from Protestantism to the Catholic faith, he might be the first to confess his sins, as a gesture of goodwill between Christians. He agreed.
‘Bless me, for I have sinned,’ he whispered, through the gauze of the confessional box. ‘Last week, committing the sin of gluttony, I had an extra Weetabix for my breakfast,’ he said. ‘Also, I neglected to de-clutter my garage, which I have promised Cherie