WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another step to establish gay stuff as the official state-sponsored religion in the United States, President Joe Biden has signed an executive order instituting the call to gay prayer, ordering it to take place five times every day, with everyone facing toward San Francisco.

"The gay prayer is part of the bedrock of American life," Biden said in his proclamation. "Each and every American must now kneel down facing the direction of San Francisco and recite the gay prayer. You got that, folks? Just don't kneel down on a rainbow crosswalk — that would be sacrilegious. Sump pump targlefruffurg!"

While LGBTQ+ activists cheered the announcement, many Americans voiced their concerns about the prayer. "There's a ‘gay prayer' now?" asked concerned citizen David Cathcart.

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