BARTLESVILLE, OK — Local sinners Don and Cecily Whitewash were "shaken to the core" Friday after coming to the realization that their children were growing up to be just like them: sinners.

"We're basically good people," said Mr. Whitewash, who according to sources, has fallen short of the Glory of God like the rest of mankind. "I mean, we're not murderers or anything. How could this happen?"

According to sources, their children are falling into dangerous habits like lying, cheating, and complete emotional breakdowns when they don't get their way — just like their parents. Don and Cecily have reportedly lost sleep trying to figure out why their children are acting just like them.

"I'm concerned that they're picking this all up from school," Mrs. Whitewash thought to herself while drivin

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