PALO ALTO, CA

Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has publicly acknowledged for the first time that he has not a single real friend. The news came as a shock to his millions of Facebook friends.

“I have 96 million Facebook friends,” said Zuckerberg from this Palo Alto mansion, “but not a single one of them that I can go for a beer with.”

The news that Zuckerberg has no actual friends, just fake Internet ones, spurred on a wave of sympathy from the online community.

“When I heard the tragic news, I friended him on Facebook immediately,” said local mom Alice Bickert. “I’m sure all my cat videos will keep him company of a lonely winter’s night. It works for me anyway.”

CNN reports that Zuckerberg was spotted entering a San Francisco nightclub all alone this past Saturday night.

“Ev

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