People-Pleasing Is a Flawed Way to Exert Control

Key points

People-pleasing is associated with excessive anxiety, a need for control and simplicity, and self-importance.

The denial associated with people-pleasing tends to fall apart, as their environments become unsustainable.

Directly addressing interpersonal issues may be accompanied by cognitive distortions, which can be challenged.

People-pleasing contains immense hope, but it's also conflict-averse. Within that hope is a magical idea, indicating that if one were to perfectly adapt to their environment, everything would “turn out fine.” The people-pleaser, therefore, tends to personalize, completely blaming themselves for their troubles. It’s either that they aren’t doing enough to warrant some reward or they’re simply complaining too much. Either way, they often consider themsel