How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 39-year-old man, and have been married to my wife, “Ciara,” for the past 10 years. We’ve had some ups and downs, and have been in a pretty rocky state for the past year or so. There hasn’t been one big incident; it’s mostly career stress, especially since my own job often requires me to take evening/night shifts. While the pay is excellent, we don’t see as much of each other as we used to. I bring this up to explain, if not justify, my actions.

About five months ago, I got very close with someone I met in an online hobby group who went by the name of “Maggie.” Maggie was funny, charming, and considerate. She reminded me a lot of my wi

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