AFTER a full nine minutes on an American website, you’ve successfully diagnosed your ex as a narcissist. This explains why the relationship was toxic and why you want her back:

She has incredible breasts

Narcissists are obsessed with constant admiration, which manifests itself in behaviours like low-cut tops and sending you cleavage shots before the second date. Nice, normal girls don’t do that. She used sex as a weapon to hurt you. You were okay with it.

You were punching

The classic narc will seek a partner they regard as beneath themselves, which offers them feelings of control and superiority. It also meant that your mates were jealous and there was pub-based speculation about the size of your appendage. There isn’t now. Just silence.

She love-bombed you

Narcissists begin by show

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