CLAUDIA Winkleman’s outfits on The Traitors have ordinary people aghast and divorced authoritarian middle-managers wondering how to get the look. Follow these tips:

Go to Scotland

Travel north of the border – no, not the one between Watford and the civilised world, but the one past that where there used to be a wall – and observe the fashions. Not the ordinary Scot in Trespass coat and jeans, but the fashions you see on shortbread tins and tourist sites. Then, with a twist of your perverted mind, sex them up.

Get yourself tarred and feathered

Either by a craftsman you’re paying in heroin, the Scots currency, or by visiting a small Highland village and behaving like a slut so they’ll do it for free. Once tarred up locate your nearest Edinburgh Wool Mill with an adjoining shop selling

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