EVER wondered why the man in your life takes so long showering? Here are the things he’s doing in the bathroom he’d rather you didn’t know about.

Wanking

The most obvious course of action. He’s naked and soaking wet, so why wouldn’t he crack one off fantasising about banging some hottie against the tiles? Blame Sabrina Carpenter for needing to pour a bottle of Mr Muscle drain unblocker down the plughole at least once a fortnight.

Admiring the grouting

If he tiled the shower cubicle himself he’ll stand for ages gazing proudly at his handiwork while ruminating upon what a proper Alpha Male he is. In truth it’s a bit shit and you wish you’d got a professional in, but he’d never admit that, even under torture.

Using his pubic hair to get a good lather up

While you serenely apply shower g

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