HOLMES COUNTY, OH

Aghast at the dismal prospects for life in mainstream American society, millions of Americans are apparently considering joining the Amish.

“During the debate we saw a huge surge in ‘how to move to Canada’, ‘how to join the Amish’ and ‘cost of living on Mars,’” said Google analyst Maria Martin. “Holmes County has been flooded with Americans from the city hoping to avoid having to deal with whatever dumpster fire of modern American life will follow the November election.”

There’s always an uptick in inquiries to move to Canada during a Presidential election, but with borders closed it looks like other options are being explored.

“Amish country is the closest thing to Canada you’re going to get I’m afraid,” said Martin. “Funny accents, strange-looking headgear, limited

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